confession

A lot has happened over the last few weeks. Things that we have shared only with family and close friends. But at the urging of a friend, I have decided that it is time to start sharing with whoever will listen because God is up to something.

On July 8th, I was "terminated" from my job. The reason completely valid and while considered to be at my own fault, still unavoidable.

To be honest....I was not upset. Not. One. Bit.

Why?

A couple of months ago,  I was taking my usual morning route to work and had about 15 minutes of screaming, yelling, crying, repenting, and surrendering to God. I remember that something had happened while I was getting ready and caused an immediate tearful reaction. Simply stated: I was sick, so sick, of leaving my son and feeling run-down and overwhelmed with being a wife, mama, employee, graduate student, etc. I felt that this was not what God wanted. In the deepest, quietest place inside me, I knew that God was calling me to surrender all of my roles, labels, dreams, hopes, and plans to Him.

Driving to work that morning, I cried out to the Lord. surrendering everything that I was holding onto. I prayed that He would hear the desire of my heart and forgive me for trying to work it out my own way. I prayed that He would take control of my life, my feelings, and my situation and do whatever He wanted. Whatever. During that coming-to-Jesus-moment in my car that morning, I left it all at His feet and knew that if my desire was in line with His will, and not out of selfish ambition, that He would work it out.

A few months later, I was without a job.

We have all heard the phrase, "He never gives you more than you can handle".  Sometimes the phrase brings comfort, annoyance, or both, right? However, after the last few weeks, I would have to completely disagree.

He ABSOLUTELY gives you more than you can handle. Do you know why? Because without Him, we are nothing. Without Him, we can do nothing. Without Him, we have nothing to live for but our own selfish desires. It is those things that are way more than we can handle that we realize that through Him ALL things are possible.

Let that soak in for a minute.

It's in those impossible situations that we can't handle on our own that we realize that His love and His grace is far greater than we could ever imagine. You see, He does have a plan for us. He knows exactly what He is doing. You may not know up from down, but He sees the path that you are on.

There have been moments, especially in the last few days, where the enemy has tried to convince me otherwise, but I am holding onto the promises of God instead of the doubts in my mind. I choose faith over fear and to me, that'a a much better way to live.  I am rejoicing because I know who is fighting these battles for me. I know that I am not alone. I know that He will take care of us. I know that things will not be easy, but I would rather live a life completely relying on God. For our family to understand what it means to trust in God and what it looks and feels like to live according to His will and not our own.